1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,792 (Chiming) 3 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,230 Evening news! The Standard! 4 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,276 Evening news - Standard! 5 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:10,070 Early edition! Evening news - Standard! All the runners and riders. Paper! 6 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,118 - Evening news is here! - (Squealing tyres) 7 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:16,669 Ha! 8 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,032 OK, Fred. 9 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,553 - Hello, Mum. - So you've done it again. 10 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,389 Look! I've had a reply from your grandfather's lawyer. 11 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,630 Oh, Mum! 12 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,599 You haven't been writing to Grandad again to get me another job! 13 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,151 Why not? It's time he took responsibility for his own grandson. 14 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,676 But, Mum... 15 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,354 he's the Prime Minister of Great Britain. 16 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,796 - (Tuts) - He can't do anything for me. 17 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,440 - Don't be silly! - Oh! 18 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,110 He gets me all the wrong jobs! 19 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,795 Banker, accountant... (Haughtily) Stockbroker... 20 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,950 I haven't been educated for that stuff! 21 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,271 You have an appointment with him at 10.30. 22 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,954 Now come home and put on your best suit. 23 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,474 You mustn't be late, whatever happens! 24 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,838 (Groaning) Oh! 25 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,876 (Squealing tyres) 26 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,480 They've been waiting an hour and ten minutes! 27 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,870 - I couldn't help it. - (Both) "The traffic was terrible." 28 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,712 Ah-ay-ay! 29 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,914 Hello? Norman Shields here. 30 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,070 Are you receiving me? Over. 31 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,876 Wait. Over. 32 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,549 As Attorney General, Prime Minister, I have for years beseeched you 33 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,313 to accept responsibility for your grandson. 34 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,958 (Mutters) Mm. Erm... 35 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,237 Mm-mm... Damnation, Mr Ballard. 36 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,993 You know full well... mm... 37 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,231 that I cut my daughter off without a penny 38 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,791 when... when she married that, mm, that... that lout. 39 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,555 I know, I know. But he is still your grandson, Sir Wilfred. 40 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,393 Times have changed. These are modern days. 41 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:49,508 Er, er... Modern days. Bah! Er... give me the good old days. 42 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,195 Now, when I was on the threshold of life... 43 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,669 (Tuts) Oh, dear. Not again. 44 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,191 I-I-lt seems... but yesterday... 45 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:18,354 mm-mm... that... that I was an undergraduate... 46 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,149 at... at, mm, erm, Oxford. 47 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:30,436 And... And a fine upstanding young fellow I was too. 48 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,398 That year... I met Isobel. 49 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:40,070 'I dreamt of the day when I could hold her in my arms. 50 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,469 'But the fulfilment of those dreams... 51 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,552 'came as rather a surprise.' 52 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,552 Oh, Wilfred, you're magnificent! 53 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,756 Such control. Such grace. 54 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,354 Oh, I say! Do you really think so? 55 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:57,911 Oh, absolutely! Such determination. Such... power. 56 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,230 - (Crack) - Such strength. 57 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,279 Oh! 58 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,391 (Squeals) Oh, Wilfred! Help! Save me! 59 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,118 Water! 60 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,472 Oh! 61 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,470 Oh, it's all right, darling. It's only shallow here. 62 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,516 I'll save you. 63 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,277 Isobel! 64 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,513 Wilfred! 65 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,193 Oh! 66 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,111 Aah! 67 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,110 Oh, my darling Isobel! 68 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,509 I adore you! 69 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,033 Daddy! 70 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,157 And so... a marriage was arranged. 71 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:22,836 Events took their natural course and a daughter was born. 72 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:29,268 Little Emily grew up and blossomed into a true English rose. 73 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:34,480 But alas, the beautiful rose became a thorn in my side. 74 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,148 'Women... staged, mm, demonstrations 75 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,708 'demanding... equality. 76 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,992 'Emily became... a suffragette 77 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:54,918 'and, chaining herself to the railings of this historic old building, 78 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,915 'she actually shouted:' 79 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,468 Votes for women! Votes for women! 80 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,155 We demand sex equality! We want our rights! 81 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,596 (All, chanting) We want votes! We want to be 82 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,513 Recognised by all as the head of the family! 83 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,876 We want equality, we demand our rights! 84 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,679 We love Emily because of the way she fights! 85 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,469 Chain me to the railings, starve me, let me die 86 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,358 - Why can't women vote like men? - (All) Why, why, why? 87 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,193 We want votes! We want to be 88 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,158 Recognised by all as the head of the family! 89 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,518 Why don't you leave off? A woman's place is in the kitchen. 90 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,750 Let's have a bit of peace and quiet. 91 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,592 We want votes! 92 00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:42,195 'Fate chose this precise moment to intervene.' 93 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,840 - (Thunder) - 'The rains came.' 94 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,313 - Wanna come down here? - Votes for women! Votes for women! 95 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,789 - Votes for... - (Thunder) 96 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,916 Help! Help! 97 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,036 (Thunder) 98 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,798 (Sighs) 99 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,996 'Thus the blue-blooded dignity of our family 100 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,548 'was shattered.' 101 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,316 And so the wedding took place between my daughter, Emily, 102 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,118 and... and 103 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,156 (Mumbles crossly) 104 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,674 Bert... Shields. 105 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,116 A... A... sewer man. 106 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,399 A union blessed by the birth of a son. 107 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,835 My grandson. 108 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,148 Norman. 109 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,952 (Clears throat) 110 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,716 Morning, Mr Ballard. You were expecting me. 111 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,558 Yes. 112 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,710 One hour and ten minutes ago. 113 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,515 This way. 114 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,636 Say hello. 115 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,278 Hello... 116 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,635 er, Grandad. 117 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,235 Do-Don't you call me G-Grandad! 118 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,108 Really, Prime Minister. After all, he is your grandson. 119 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,475 And you can't blame me. 120 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,710 Hold your tongue and sit down. 121 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,958 So... what kind of job are we going to get him this time, Ballard? 122 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,349 But I've already got a job, ain't I? 123 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,913 Yesterday, I stumbled on what may be a solution. 124 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,515 Major Bartlett, one of your Conservatives, owns a newspaper. 125 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,472 Hmph. Er... Miss Thompson? 126 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,838 See if you can find Major Bartlett in the House. 127 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,911 'He's already here, Sir.' 128 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,552 (Clears throat) I took the liberty. 129 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,073 Hmph. 130 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,791 Mm, yes, mm. Journalism... eh? 131 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,474 Well, that's what I'm doing already. 132 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,075 - You know, in a way. - In a way? 133 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,675 I sell newspapers outside Westminster tube station, don't I? 134 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,912 A... A newsboy? 135 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,072 (Mumbles) In Westminster? 136 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,872 Oh... oh... 137 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,636 You... You... You knew about this, Ballard? 138 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:14,872 Yes, Prime Minister. That's why I thought a change would be a good idea. 139 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,349 Show Major... Major... 140 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,796 Show Major, er... erm, in. 141 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,955 (Clock chimes) 142 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,715 Er, er... Major, er... 143 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,030 erm, erm... Burrows. 144 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,156 - Bartlett, sir. Major Rupert Erwin Bartlett. - Yes, quite so. 145 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,949 - You've considered my application? - The junior ministerial vacancy. 146 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,110 Ah, yes. Ah, ah... 147 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,236 Junior Minister. 148 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,073 Oh! I don't think I've had the pleasure. 149 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,118 - You remind me of someone. - Er, mm... 150 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,191 My grandson. Shields. 151 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,999 Delighted to meet you. 152 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,557 - You're not up for the junior minister? - No, I'm only a... 153 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,517 Newspaper man! 154 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,559 - What a coincidence! So am I. - The major owns the Tinmouth Times 155 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,712 in his constituency - little town in the West Country. 156 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,156 - Over 200 miles away. - 200 miles? 157 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,276 That's a nice long way. 158 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,830 Well, I... My grandson was just telling me 159 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,152 how much he would like to work on a provincial newspaper. 160 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,074 Prime Minister, I have a splendid idea! 161 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,709 Good, that's settled, then. He can start tomorrow morning. 162 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,236 Thank you, Major. I won't take up any more of your time. 163 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,790 But the ministerial vacancy, could you give me a decision? 164 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:44,032 Now, don't worry, Barclay, I've got your name well in mind. 165 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,830 You sort out the travel arrangements, Ballard. Hm? Erm... 166 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,512 A one-way ticket to Tinmouth. 167 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,717 - It's already done, Prime Minister. - Oh, oh. 168 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,837 Oh, Ballard. 200 miles! 169 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,353 (Both laugh) 170 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,192 200 miles! 171 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,635 - Ballard! Ballard! - Oh, sir! 172 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,391 Oh, oh, oh... Thank you, Ballard. 173 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,550 Now, sir. We're wanted in the House. 174 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,192 Miss Thompson will take care of you, Mr Shields. 175 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,713 Goodbye. 176 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,679 200 miles! Ha! 177 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,352 - Ballard! - Sir David! 178 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,509 (Crash) 179 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,919 Tinmouth! Tinmouth. 180 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,476 Tinmouth! 181 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,795 (Whistle) 182 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,750 Young man! Young man! 183 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,717 You've got my bag! 184 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,075 This is yours! 185 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,271 Please give me my bag! 186 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,316 Give me my bag! 187 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:22,599 You've got yours! Give... me... my... bag! 188 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,036 - (Fading) Give it to me! - Look after that. 189 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,109 - (Laughs) You got back, then? - She got her bag though, that lady. 190 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,749 - Oh, yeah? Where? - Penzance. 191 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,114 - Can I have mine, please? - Yeah. 192 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,276 Thank you. 193 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,197 - Not bad. - Not at all bad. 194 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,674 - Ah, Shields! - Bartlett. 195 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,039 Actually, you were due here at nine. 196 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,076 Still, I suppose, first morning. 197 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,196 - Bit of a rush I expect. - Mm-hm. 198 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,477 I dare say you'd like to meet your colleagues. 199 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,479 Here's Mr Norman Shields, our new reporter. 200 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,516 Mr Ross, the editor. 201 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,916 Miss Lampton. 202 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,275 I hope you'll be very happy with us. 203 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,676 All right, come with me. 204 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,229 (Typing) 205 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,394 Shields, I expect a capacity for work and punctuality. 206 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:22,439 I regret to note that you appear to lack the latter quality. Understand? 207 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,317 Right, Chief. 208 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,675 You do shorthand, of course? 209 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,716 I'm afraid not. 210 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,756 You type? 211 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,598 Mr Shields, do you think you could cover this? 212 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,750 Right, Chief. What is it? 213 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,316 - A jumble sale. - (Shouts) Jumble sale?! 214 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,989 "To be opened by the Mayor, New Congregational... 215 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,196 Mr Shields, I've read it! 216 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,430 (Subdued) Right, Chief. 217 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,636 Now, here is a map. 218 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,795 You will find the Congregational Hall marked on this map. 219 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,475 - Right, Chief. - Don't call me Chief all the time. 220 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,838 Notebook? 221 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,472 Pencil? 222 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,952 Yellow. 223 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,836 Got a bicycle? 224 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,950 You'll have to buy one. 225 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,669 In the meantime, you can borrow one from Pearson. 226 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,716 Right, Chief. 227 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,790 (Siren bells ringing) 228 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,589 Where's the New Congregational Hall? 229 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,716 That was it over there. 230 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,153 Fred. 231 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,957 "Fire... Hydrant." 232 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,474 And I had this all... 233 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,393 Press! Press! Press, Press, Press, Press, Press! 234 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,550 Tinmouth Times! 235 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,596 Make way for the Press! 236 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,351 Excuse me. 237 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,670 Er, are you the Mayor? 238 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,390 Oh! 239 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,552 I've, erm... I've been sent to cover the jumble sale. 240 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,794 - Press, you know. - It's been postponed. 241 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,668 Ah! Post... poned. 242 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,230 - Cos of the fire? - This gentleman's responsible. 243 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,516 What, for the fire? Oh-hoo-hoo! 244 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,479 - No, for the jumble sale. - Oh, I beg your pardon! 245 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,030 - I seem to have come too late. - You can't be too late. I told you. 246 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,190 (Spitting) It's been postponed! 247 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,076 Yeah, well, thanks very much. 248 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,956 You see a bike? 249 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,273 Oi! My bike! 250 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,510 That's mine! You thieving... 251 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,953 Here! Hey! This isn't a stop, you know. 252 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,919 - Not right. Unfair to the others. - That man's pinched my bike! 253 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,436 Has he now? That's not right. No, no. 254 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,795 - Faster, faster! - Faster. 255 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,359 Faster! 256 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,071 Follow that bike! 257 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,549 - Tell him to go faster! - Go faster. 258 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,757 Put your foot down. Watch where you're going! 259 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,912 You gotta catch him, that's my bike! 260 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,434 We'll call for that queue on the way back. Shall I tell 'em or you? 261 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,715 - You. - All right. 262 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:54,873 (Rings bell) 263 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,314 Won't be long! We won't be long! 264 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,515 I told 'em we won't be long. 265 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,470 Very kind of you, Tubby. 266 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,432 Don't let him gain on us, Tubby. Tell him! 267 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,636 Don't let him gain on us! 268 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,314 Get a move on! He's only got a bike. You've got a blooming great bus! 269 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,630 (Tyres squealing) 270 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,517 Hurry up and catch him or go round the other way. 271 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,715 You're closing on him. That's it! Go on! 272 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,238 Go on! You're dropping behind. 273 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,239 Good boy! 274 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,039 He's got my bike and I'm determined to have him. 275 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,116 (Frantic hooting) 276 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,349 (Crashing) 277 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,756 Oh, you've let him get away! 278 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,070 Keep going and we'll head him off. 279 00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:49,032 He's behind! I told ya, we got him! 280 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,112 It's no use-we got ya! You can't beat a bus! 281 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,794 - Slow down! I'll get him! - Slow down! 282 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,396 - He's gone right! Take the next turning! - Turn right! 283 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,516 (lnaudible) 284 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,919 Erm, excuse me. 285 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,992 I say, I'm really most awfully sorry, 286 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,390 but that wasn't my bike after all! 287 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,837 - Can I help you? - Oh, thank you very much. 288 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,835 - You are going in here, ain't you? - Yes. Thank you very much. 289 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,190 Thank you very much. 290 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,475 Young man, this isn't my... 291 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,991 You again! 292 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,676 Well! If it isn't our new ace reporter. 293 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,598 A funny thing happened to me on the way to the jumble sale. 294 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,194 Oh, come on, cheer up. Have a drink. 295 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,236 I don't really, erm... 296 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,349 Oh, come on! Be a devil. 297 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,670 You're a reporter now. 298 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,478 Eddie? 299 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,836 - Same again, Miss Lampton? - Yes, but make it two. 300 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,679 Well... Good reporting. 301 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,716 And you. Er... 302 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,517 Er, it's quite nice. 303 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,190 (Bubbling) 304 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,351 (Retches) 305 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,389 It's not bad. I think I'll have some of this. 306 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,116 Same again... 307 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,873 Eddie. 308 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,595 - (Bubbling) - (Groans) 309 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,869 Erm, I'm so glad I met you tonight. 310 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,838 Can't tell you how glad. 311 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,559 Well, I've got quite an evening ahead. 312 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,790 I've to cover the council meeting. 313 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,952 (Slurred) Eleanor, do you think I could come with you? 314 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,272 I've never been to... I've never been to a council meeting. 315 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,909 You must be mad, but if you want to, you're very welcome. 316 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,752 Marvellous! 317 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,831 Are you ready, then? 318 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,951 Er, see you. 319 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,519 Aha! 320 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,634 That's where the Lady Mayor, Alderman Mrs Corcoran, sits. 321 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,676 Labour, of course. 322 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,351 What, up there? 323 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,556 Doesn't she get dizzy? 324 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,676 The Lady Mayor is always dizzy. 325 00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,517 So are her council. 326 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,114 I heard what you said about the council. 327 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:45,149 Let me inform you, the lady's remarks refer only to the Labour members. 328 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,119 - Not to us Conservatives. - Well, bully for you, Councillor Edge. 329 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,073 Ah! There's the Mayor's husband. 330 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,314 - Conservative? - No, Labour. 331 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,591 Alderman Corcoran, about this agenda, I have something to say. 332 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,992 You keep your ears open, mate, and you'll hear what I have to say. 333 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,640 Conservatives are on the right. 334 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:14,030 Labour are on the left. The Labour have the majority. 335 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,116 (Hiccups) 336 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,039 (Hiccups) 337 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:00,795 (Hiccups) 338 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,628 - Water. - No! Sh! 339 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,837 (Hiccups) 340 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,671 A glass of water. 341 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,157 (Norman hiccups) 342 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:34,470 (Whispers) A glass of water. 343 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,437 (Hiccuping continues) 344 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,993 (Loud hiccup) 345 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,513 Psst! 346 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,198 (Hiccups) 347 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,276 Hello, gorgeous. 348 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,195 It's a bit crowded in here tonight. 349 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,669 Harry Marshall, the County Chronicle. 350 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,194 Norman Shields, the Times' latest addition. 351 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,794 Herewith conveil this trial, 1953 by grace of our royal. 352 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,110 The agenda which, on the minutes of this, 353 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,795 is duly had in the housing committee of suburban development. 354 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,431 The housing committee, which had forgotten the civil low-down, 355 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,513 as duly made, with an asterisk which marks each one separately... 356 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,670 That's the town clerk, Mr Nottage. 357 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,830 Bit of a bore, but he's all right. 358 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:34,153 And the assistants which grade for this in this county council order, liaison... 359 00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,879 Hold the fort for me. I'll be back for the speeches. 360 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,838 (Nottage) Other councils take heed, and a deep heed, 361 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,037 for this stands in their own chamber over their worship too 362 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,270 as a mutual agreed fine. 363 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,875 And this as far as the river's concerned, but this doesn't matter. 364 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,794 Now this, underlined and underhand this dale 365 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,634 and Hansard in the Houses of Parliament follows this, 366 00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:59,154 supported by the industrial on either side. 367 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:02,835 Now I call upon Hawdrobe Cawl. 368 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,314 As chairman of the housing committee, 369 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,834 I can say without fear of contradiction, 370 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,390 - our housing record is second to none. - Hear, hear. 371 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,597 I speak for us all on this side of the chamber 372 00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,274 when I say how proud we are of... 373 00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:27,919 (Chairman) The building of phase one of our new... 374 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,160 The speeches are on! 375 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:40,472 We have met with opposition, particularly from certain members... 376 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,312 She's on... 377 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,949 - Hear, hear. ...petty restrictions and impediments, 378 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:50,989 with the single-minded determination that we have always displayed 379 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,038 in our undertakings for the people of this town. 380 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,554 She's on the phone. 381 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,596 Her boyfriend, I suppose. 382 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,831 - (Chairman) It is with great pride... - Boyfriend? 383 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,993 - Major Bartlett. - (Chairman)... members of this council... 384 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,071 - The Major? - Why not? 385 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,790 He owns a newspaper, he's an MP - she knows what she's doing. 386 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,916 During our term of office, 387 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,468 we have built 1,000 houses. 388 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,994 - I don't believe it! - Sh! 389 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,032 So, Councillor Edge doesn't believe it. 390 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,989 Councillor flaming Edge has the flaming nerve to call me a liar to my face! 391 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,675 I shall ask Councillor flaming Edge to apologise at once! 392 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,990 Point of order! Point of order! 393 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,789 Councillor Edge will feel the back of my hand if he's not careful! 394 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,633 - Mr Mayor, I protest... - Hooliganism! 395 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,393 Vulgar exhibitionism! 396 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,153 - (All shout at once) - Appeal to clause seven! 397 00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:52,755 Someone should quell this, sir! 398 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,596 If I could appeal the House... 399 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,638 You're the cause of this! You're the... 400 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,034 He's right! I've got to explain. 401 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,758 - Mrs Mayor! - Shut up! 402 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,195 Alderman Whatshisname... 403 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,511 - (Nottage) They're pleading the rules... - Order, please! 404 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,558 - Your Worship, please... - Oh, dear. 405 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,950 Some must indicate the close of this thunderbowl! 406 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,996 Hey, gabblemouth! Shut up! 407 00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,640 (Mumbles incoherently) 408 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,470 I have been insulted by a man unfit to clean my shoes! 409 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,872 - It wasn't me, it was that idiot reporter! - It was nothing of the kind! 410 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,714 Trying to wriggle out of it? Yellow-belly! 411 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,236 Point of order! Mr Nottage, do something, please! 412 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,517 I've got none of the civil of this chamber! 413 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,275 The whole crowd! I would not suppress this in my own house! 414 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,557 - There is a problem in this chamber. - Mrs Thingummy! 415 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,393 - Ladies and gentlemen! - Mr Macebearer. 416 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,675 Kindly remove this person. 417 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,997 Order! Order, please! 418 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,752 (Smashing crockery) 419 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,833 To start a fight like this is absolutely disgraceful! 420 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,272 - I've been stabbed! - You murderer! 421 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,112 - Traitor! - Rabble! 422 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,111 - Housewife! - (Gasps) 423 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:36,670 - You Tory butcher! - I'm dying. Meeting adjourned. 424 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,071 - Meeting adjourned. - (Crash) 425 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,596 - Meeting adjourned. - Oh, boy. What a story! 426 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,189 There. That is the last of the coffee. 427 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,750 Oh, no. I don't want any more coffee. 428 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,638 - I've had about a gallon already. - Come on! 429 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,711 (Gurgles) 430 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,110 - Now, what happened? - Oh. 431 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,112 Alderman Corcoran said... 432 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:27,469 He said he was gonna clump Councillor Edge round the earhole. 433 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,710 - (Cackles) - Well, go on! 434 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,075 (Sings drunkenly) 435 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,596 (Spits and whistles) 436 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,468 Susannah's a wonderful soul 437 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,074 - (Whistles) - Have some more coffee, please! 438 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,116 No! 439 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,555 (Chuckles) 440 00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,638 ( 441 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,709 - (Music stops) - Now. 442 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,473 Please. Go on with the story. 443 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:19,918 Ha-ha-ha! A lady hits a man on top of the head. 444 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,198 Who hit who on top of the head, you silly little man? 445 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,353 A lady hit a man on top of the head. Oh-ho-ho! 446 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,271 Erm... 447 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,989 - I dunno. - Try and think! 448 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,389 The meeting was adjourned. That's all. 449 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,710 Oh, take it off. I'll sponge it. 450 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,438 (Phone) 451 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,996 - Hello? - Hello, poppet. 452 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,435 I'm on my way over to you. 453 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,274 Darling, while I was talking to you, there was a riot at the meeting. 454 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,238 - 'Little Norman was...' - Oh, I see. 455 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,916 He had a couple of drinks and I had to get the story out of him somehow. 456 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:06,232 Eleanor? Could we twist the angle a bit? 457 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,595 Arrange it to suit ourselves? 458 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,750 Give it an anti-Labour slant. 459 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,674 It'll appear as Shields' article. And get rid of him. 460 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,955 'See you later. Bye, darling.' 461 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,393 Bye. 462 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,237 (Laughter) 463 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,392 Do you know where I could get a bed, please? 464 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,760 Not at this time of night. 465 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:12,595 Yes, well, I was just wondering if you could fix me up at your place? 466 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,750 - Police station? - Mm. 467 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,790 Haven't done anything wrong, have you? 468 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,110 Who me? No, no. No! 469 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,191 Then keep moving! 470 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,475 What, all night? 471 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,309 He did what? 472 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,516 No, Lady Mayor. 473 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,830 Er, yes, Lady Mayor. 474 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,876 I see, Lady Mayor. 475 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,072 Goodbye. 476 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,958 Apparently, we've distorted all the facts. 477 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,474 She says Shields started the whole thing. 478 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,312 Oh, no! 479 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,630 - What are we gonna do? - Sack him. 480 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:38,633 - Wait a minute. After all, he has got... - (Both) What? 481 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,836 (Sighs) Potentialities. 482 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,434 Potentialities? He hasn't come in yet! 483 00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:45,476 (Snores) 484 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,919 Blimey, I've done it again! 485 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,037 Ah! 486 00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:21,479 Ah. Mr Shields? 487 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,635 Could you spare a moment of your valuable time? 488 00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,476 Major Bartlett would like to see you in his office. 489 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,869 - What for? - What for?! 490 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,315 We've got a right one here, haven't we? 491 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,436 You've only been on the staff a few days 492 00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,876 and you've got the entire town council at each other's throats. 493 00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,997 Do you know, Mr Shields, that because of you, 494 00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:54,790 Councillor Quilter is in hospital with concussion, and needed five stitches, 495 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,474 that Councillor Edge, Major Bartlett's agent, 496 00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,596 is in bed with nervous prostration, 497 00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,956 and that Councillor Mrs Doe Connor has resigned from the council 498 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,190 and from public life? 499 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:09,239 And why do you think the Major wants to see you in his office? 500 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,592 - The sack? - Good boy! 501 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,755 Morning, Major. 502 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:32,276 Morning, Eleanor... er, Miss Lampton. 503 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:37,236 - You wanted to see me, sir? - Simply to congratulate you. 504 00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:43,477 - Congratulate me? - On your splendid article. 505 00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,869 Look, it wasn't really me... 506 00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:47,951 it was Miss Lampton. 507 00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,157 It was your story, Mr Shields. 508 00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:53,708 Look, fair's fair. 509 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,998 - She... She wrote it. - From the facts you gave me, my dear. 510 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,277 - The credit is all yours. - (Sniggers) Well... 511 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,999 - If you say so. - Good. 512 00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,595 So we're all agreed that it was entirely your article. 513 00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,477 All agreed? 514 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,437 - Yeah. - Good. 515 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,159 Cos it's thoroughly upset the Council. 516 00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:17,710 I suggest you go to the Mayor's house forthwith and apologise. 517 00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,951 - On your way, Shields. - Do I have to? 518 00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,271 Borrow Pearson's bicycle and this time don't lose it. 519 00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,909 - Right, Chief. - And don't keep calling me Chief! 520 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,116 Well, roger and out, then. 521 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:36,589 You know something? Little Norman's got a thing about you. 522 00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:02,872 - Who threw this? - I did. 523 00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:06,316 - What you got in here, Mister? - (Rings bell) 524 00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:16,273 - Give us a ride on your bike, Mister! - Oi, shorty! 525 00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:18,316 (Laughter) 526 00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:48,469 (Laughter) 527 00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:29,550 Er, good morning. May I be permitted to speak to Her Worship, my Lady Mayor? 528 00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,631 Won't you sit down? 529 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,191 (Child) Come on! 530 00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,589 (Dog barking) 531 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,796 Good gracious! 532 00:52:56,880 --> 00:53:00,589 Er, morning, Your Worship. I'm Shields of the Times. 533 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,636 Yes, I remember you. 534 00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,752 Er, perhaps you'd like to put your bicycle in the kitchen? 535 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,076 Oh, careful! 536 00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:25,879 (Clatter) 537 00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,036 Oh, careful! 538 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:47,916 Oh, oh, oh! 539 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,675 Oh, oh, oh! Just a moment! 540 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,476 (Ripping) 541 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,832 (Ripping) 542 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:14,672 Take it! Take it. 543 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:29,638 Oh, my dear! This is Mr Shields of the Times. 544 00:54:29,720 --> 00:54:32,314 Mr Shields, my daughter Liz. 545 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,630 - How do you do? - How do you do. 546 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,840 Shouldn't we let him down? 547 00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,876 Oh, yes. 548 00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:55,711 Put your glasses on, you silly girl! 549 00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,756 (Squeals) 550 00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,078 Thank you. 551 00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,716 The kitchen. 552 00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,513 Oh, dear, we'd better tidy up. Come along. 553 00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:39,278 - What does he want? - That, my dear, I've yet to find out. Oh! 554 00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:45,029 I-I'm sorry about that. 555 00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,999 Still, never mind. It's nice to have a bit of peace and quiet, innit? 556 00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,355 - (Clattering) - Damn and blast! 557 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,396 It's my husband. 558 00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,789 Ernest, is that you, dear? 559 00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:57,950 Who the hell did you think it was? 560 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,909 - What maniac left that bike in there? - Mr Shields of the Times. 561 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:08,117 - Daddy, do keep calm. - I will when I'm good and ready 562 00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,111 and not before. 563 00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:14,159 Put your glasses on, girl. You're blinking like a pedestrian crossing. 564 00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:16,472 What do you want? 565 00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,189 I came about last night's council meeting. You made a mistake. 566 00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,511 Last night? Oh, I'll deal with this, dear. 567 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:27,229 - You two go and make a cup of coffee. - But I wanted to apologise... 568 00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:31,598 - Come and have a drink, Shields. - Oh, no. I've packed it up. 569 00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,636 Last night's council meeting, eh? 570 00:56:33,720 --> 00:56:38,589 Yes. See, I was responsible cos it was me who said it, not Mr Edge. 571 00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:43,117 Of course it was! I knew it all the time. (Guffaws) 572 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,555 Do you think I'm deaf, then? 573 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,471 (Both laugh) 574 00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,233 It couldn't have been Edge, anyway. 575 00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:54,313 - Why not? - Cos he hasn't got the guts! 576 00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,596 Would you like an item of real interest for your paper? 577 00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:03,673 Oh, yeah! Hold these, hold these. Hang on. 578 00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:06,957 - Oh, dear. - Now then. Here we go. 579 00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:09,998 There is only one man that matters in Tinmouth. 580 00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:14,312 - Only one. - Only one. Alderman Ernie Corcoran. 581 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,391 You're... 582 00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:20,109 And Major blasted Bartlett knows that too! 583 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,798 He won't even have the nerve to turn up on Saturday. 584 00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,519 - Where? - The Keir Hardie Estate, fool! 585 00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,797 - What's that? - The opening of the thousandth house! 586 00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:34,111 Here. With an election just around the corner, 587 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,953 that will be worth 500 votes to me! 588 00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:44,078 And when that time comes there'll be a new man on the train for Westminster! 589 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,955 - No Major blasted Bartlett. Oh, no! - Not him! 590 00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,756 Yeah. Guess who? 591 00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:54,469 I don't know. Guess who? Well, I mean... 592 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,709 It's right on the tip of my tongue. 593 00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,152 Ernie Corcoran? 594 00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,196 (Corcoran) That's right! 595 00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,236 Here, off you go. 596 00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:10,276 Don't forget, eh? 597 00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:14,069 Oh, I couldn't forget. I got it all down. 598 00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,515 Publish and be damned. 599 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,954 Publish... and be... 600 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,190 damned-oh! 601 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,478 Publish and be... I'll just put me shoes on! 602 00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:42,551 - Won't you stay for some coffee? - I'd better not, thanks. 603 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,790 - Your bike! - Oh, yeah. 604 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,316 It must be awfully exciting. 605 00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,949 It's all right going downhill, but uphill gets the back of your legs. 606 00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,031 No, working on a newspaper. 607 00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,759 - Oh. - The presses and everything. 608 00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:01,753 Oh, that's exciting too. Pop in sometime, I'll show you round. 609 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,798 - Oh, I'd love to. Thank you very much. - All right. 610 00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,313 Bye. 611 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,836 Don't you think it would be easier out the back way? 612 00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:11,876 Well, safer. 613 00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,598 (Giggles) 614 00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,875 - Little Norman strikes again. - But it's the truth! 615 00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,873 - Mr Corcoran word for word. - You have a lot to learn, sweetie. 616 00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:42,199 Ah, Mr Shields. Would you be so kind as to pop along to the Major's office? 617 00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,475 He would like a few words with you. 618 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,588 So, Alderman Corcoran is to be on the train to Westminster? Not me? 619 01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,478 - So he said. - You expect me to publish that? 620 01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:20,030 - "Publish and be damned", he told me. - Get out! 621 01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,315 - Out? - Out of the office! 622 01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:25,756 - (Phone) - Out of this town! Out of the country! 623 01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:32,836 What? Who? 624 01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:36,356 Can't you speak up? Oh, Mr Prime Minister! 625 01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,238 Yes, sir. Yes, he's right here, sir. 626 01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,515 He wants to speak to you. 627 01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:44,356 Hello, Grandad. 628 01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:46,431 No, it's no good. I don't... 629 01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,717 I can't help it. I should be back at Westminster tomorrow. 630 01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,155 (Enraged shouting) 631 01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,114 - He's gone potty. - Mr Prime Minister? 632 01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,395 He must have misunderstood. 633 01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:01,189 No, he's a great asset to the newspaper. Yes. 634 01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:04,317 Oh, no, sir. I've promoted him. Yes! 635 01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:08,712 Er... to political and municipal correspondent. 636 01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,439 Yes, he's a splendid fellow. 637 01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,715 Chip off the old block. 638 01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,360 Yes, sir. Right, Mr Prime Minister. 639 01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,553 Political... and municipal! Golly! 640 01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:24,474 What do you reckon will be my first assignment? Sir? 641 01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,309 Keir Hardie Estate. Tomorrow. 642 01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:31,075 - The thousandth house. - Oh, Corcoran mentioned that. 643 01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,435 Said it'd be worth 500 votes to him. 644 01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:37,991 Another thing he said... I shouldn't tell you really! 645 01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,548 He reckons you'd be scared to go! 646 01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:43,550 - He did, did he? - Yeah. 647 01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,950 - Send Mr Ross in, please. - I'll tell him. 648 01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:58,432 Ah, Mr Ross! Would you be so kind as to pop along to the Major's office? 649 01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,670 He'd like a few words with you. 650 01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,876 For heaven's sake! 651 01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:14,511 I been promoted! The Major said "My dear lad, you are an asset to us." 652 01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:20,235 So. We have a new political correspondent. 653 01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:25,269 - Political... and municipal. - (Grimly) And municipal. 654 01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,193 Rather a long-felt want, don't you think? 655 01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:31,989 - Shouldn't you be at a baby show? - I'm on my way! 656 01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:34,514 Eleanor! Eleanor! 657 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,398 Soon those babies will be adolescent! 658 01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,869 Come out tonight. I must celebrate. 659 01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:42,110 Let me take you out to dinner, eh? 660 01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,988 - Come on. - Oh, all right. Just this once. 661 01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:51,036 Victoria Hotel? 662 01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:53,350 - Half-past seven? - Right. 663 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,710 ( 664 01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,874 I've always wanted to do that! 665 01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,714 I'm supposed to be meeting a girlfriend. 666 01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,360 But I'm early. 667 01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:45,433 Oh. I'm supposed to be meeting someone too. (Laughs) 668 01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:50,389 If we waited together, you could teach me to wiggle my fingers. 669 01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:52,550 Will you order now, sir? 670 01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,511 - What will you have, Miss Corcoran? - Oh, please call me Liz. 671 01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:02,556 Erm, orange squash. 672 01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:06,155 - I don't drink alcohol. - One orange. And? 673 01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,390 Two orange... squashes. 674 01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,359 Erm... Your dad's quite a character. 675 01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,000 I'm glad you liked him. He liked you. 676 01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:24,991 - Eh... - No, honestly! 677 01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,514 He said "I think he'll be very useful." 678 01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:33,869 Oh, did he? Well, all that stuff about the Keir Hardie Estate 679 01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:38,238 and Ernest Corcoran being the only man who matters, Bartlett wouldn't publish. 680 01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:41,596 I'm not surprised. It's a Tory newspaper. 681 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:44,638 Well, I am covering the house opening tomorrow 682 01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,359 and they're gonna print what I say. 683 01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:03,270 Oh, darling! I'm so glad you found a little friend 684 01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:07,956 because I just can't make it tonight - I'm stuck with some dreadful office thing. 685 01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,076 A press girl's life isn't her own. 686 01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,116 Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Believe me. 687 01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,953 - (Stutters) - I'll explain it all in the morning. 688 01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,508 Now... have fun, you two. 689 01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,074 She's got some lovely clothes. 690 01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:57,636 I'm sorry, Norman. 691 01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:00,876 - Liz? - Yes, Norman? 692 01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,520 Put your hands together. 693 01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:06,670 Now, press your fingers down. 694 01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:09,069 No, only the two middle ones. 695 01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,672 No. Now, put your glasses on again, eh? 696 01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:20,597 Right. Now, finger exercises begin. Turn around. 697 01:06:57,920 --> 01:06:58,955 No! 698 01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:04,351 Hey! Bricks are for building, not throwing. 699 01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:05,839 Ow! 700 01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,070 (Car draws up) 701 01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:15,719 Thank you. 702 01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,836 - (Boing) - Ooh! 703 01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:19,956 (Faint applause) 704 01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:25,593 Sorry, sir. I didn't notice you was in there. 705 01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,432 (Laughter) 706 01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:37,916 Oh, I nearly did it again! 707 01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:39,911 - (Thud) - Aah! Ooh! 708 01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:19,749 Aah! Aah! 709 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:45,635 - Oh, no! - Shut your eyes and don't look down. 710 01:08:52,480 --> 01:08:54,152 Help! 711 01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,435 Are you all right, dear? Come along. 712 01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:07,910 - We'll get a chair. - Oh, thank you. 713 01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:24,556 (Whispering) 714 01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,633 This great moment through this afternoon 715 01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,359 for the launch of this 1,000th of houses 716 01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:50,000 which culminate in the progress of this council. 717 01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:53,789 We're graced with the august presence of Lady Mayor for the gathering 718 01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:56,189 and Major Bartlett the self-made man 719 01:09:56,280 --> 01:10:00,512 which made the newspaper beneficent for the whole humanity. 720 01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:04,798 All the family, great for this house which gave them the slummery 721 01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:07,155 and a pleasant prospect in the heart of it. 722 01:10:07,240 --> 01:10:11,631 And now the mauve scroll for the duke, Major Mayor Bartlett. 723 01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:25,033 Go on! 724 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,157 Your Worship, Mr Town Clerk, ladies and gentlemen. 725 01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:31,789 Never mind the speeches, when do we get into our house? 726 01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:34,235 Now, wait a minute, please. 727 01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:36,276 As your Conservative MP, 728 01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,430 I congratulate your Labour corporation 729 01:10:38,520 --> 01:10:42,274 on reaching our target of 1,000 houses... at last. 730 01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:45,796 Your target? Twaddle! You lot just talk. We build. 731 01:10:45,880 --> 01:10:47,836 - Who planned the estate? - Who built it? 732 01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:52,311 Never mind who did what! Cut the politics. When are we gonna get in? 733 01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:55,517 No, no. Please, please. Ladies and gentlemen, 734 01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:57,636 I'm delighted to be here this afternoon. 735 01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:02,077 And now without more ado, I will formally open the 1,000th house 736 01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,116 with this golden key. 737 01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,157 Key. Key. 738 01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:10,951 - Key? - Key? 739 01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:13,235 The key! 740 01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:14,719 Key? 741 01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:32,869 (Crowd gasps) 742 01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:39,359 Now, sit down, everyone, and don't panic. 743 01:11:39,440 --> 01:11:42,637 I know where to find it. Keep talking, Mr Mayor. 744 01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:46,872 Don't sit down, I'm taking the chair away. Ha, ha, ha, ha! 745 01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:51,634 Er... ladies and gentlemen, I would be doing less than my duty, 746 01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:56,714 were I not to thank all the people behind the scenes who have worked so hard 747 01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:58,756 on the, er, plumbing. 748 01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:01,752 And then of course we must thank... 749 01:12:01,840 --> 01:12:04,877 - Oh! - (Laughter) 750 01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:09,796 Aah! 751 01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:24,832 I got it! The golden key. 752 01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:27,309 I've got it. I've got the key. I've found it. 753 01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,595 Everybody on your feet! Come on. 754 01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:32,433 On your feet. It was under the platform. 755 01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:34,715 The golden key. 756 01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:38,156 Everybody into the house. All inside! Come on! 757 01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:53,392 (Croaks) Erm... This is the hall, 758 01:12:53,480 --> 01:12:55,516 and that is the lounge. 759 01:12:56,560 --> 01:12:59,028 - Hall and... - Lounge. 760 01:13:02,280 --> 01:13:04,111 Excuse me. 761 01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,668 - Stop pushing at the back! - Stop pushing. 762 01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:22,432 - Hold it! - The bedrooms are upstairs. 763 01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:23,873 Ooh, my back! 764 01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:33,548 This is the larger bedroom, or what I like to call the master bedroom. 765 01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,471 Enough in there! Hold it! 766 01:13:56,200 --> 01:14:00,113 This is the small bedroom but there isn't enough room for all of us. 767 01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:01,758 Oh! 768 01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:11,276 - The house is collapsing! - Everybody out! 769 01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:15,512 Hurry! Hurry! 770 01:14:16,360 --> 01:14:18,396 - Everybody out! - Hurry up! 771 01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:49,272 Now look what you've done - you and your politics! 772 01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,949 I've got to get back to the paper. Ta-ta. 773 01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:56,190 Well done, Corcoran. 774 01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:01,472 (Laughter) 775 01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:31,959 Oh, darling. The Keir Hardie Estate article's on your desk. 776 01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,793 - Just sign it, will you? - Sign it? 777 01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:37,314 I haven't even written it yet! 778 01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,836 I did it for you. On the Major's instructions. 779 01:15:42,600 --> 01:15:44,670 Erm... I see. 780 01:15:45,680 --> 01:15:48,240 Well... thank you. 781 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:52,593 - What's the hurry? - Darling, I have a date. 782 01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:55,240 I have to bath, change and be out by eight. 783 01:15:55,320 --> 01:15:58,232 - Where are you going? - Is that your business? 784 01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:00,276 Yes, it is. 785 01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:03,796 Who's this special man that you have got to have a bath for? 786 01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,348 You've no right to question me! 787 01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:09,591 Oh, yes, I have-because I love you! 788 01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,276 I do love you, Eleanor. 789 01:16:16,720 --> 01:16:20,713 Norman, you must get this nonsense out of your head. 790 01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:25,114 We'll have a nice, long chat later this week, I promise you. 791 01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:31,677 - It's Major Bartlett you're seeing, isn't it? - If you must know, yes, it is. 792 01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,673 I thought so. Well... he is the boss, isn't he? 793 01:16:36,760 --> 01:16:39,320 And my future husband. 794 01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:13,958 Oh. 795 01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:16,952 Oh, I thought it was... 796 01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,637 I was just passing. You said to drop in if... 797 01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:24,036 Did I? 798 01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:28,398 Oh, yes. Erm... Yes. 799 01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:32,314 If you're busy writing your article about this afternoon, I'll... 800 01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:34,516 No, not really busy. 801 01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,156 It's been written for me. 802 01:17:37,240 --> 01:17:39,356 Major Bartlett's approval slip. 803 01:17:43,360 --> 01:17:46,989 "The opening of the 1,000th house on the Keir Hardie Estate 804 01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,594 "was a happy occasion for all concerned. 805 01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:54,196 "Major Bartlett's witty speech... Golden key to happiness?! 806 01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:57,190 "Delighted family take up residence?!" 807 01:17:57,280 --> 01:17:59,430 It's a load of lies. 808 01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:03,274 - Well, you know. - What are you going to do about it? 809 01:18:03,360 --> 01:18:06,113 - What can I do? - Don't let them get away with it. 810 01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:09,237 - Make them print the truth! - I can't! 811 01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:13,313 - What about Major Bartlett? - Blast Major Bartlett and party politics! 812 01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:16,790 - What about your father? - With all due respect, blast him too! 813 01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:19,155 (Laughs) Oh, Liz! 814 01:18:19,240 --> 01:18:21,470 Anyway, they'd never print it. 815 01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:27,309 They would if you put on Major Bartlett's approval slip. 816 01:18:40,320 --> 01:18:41,878 Erm... 817 01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:46,556 Just a minute, erm... Disaster hits the Keir Hardie Estate. 818 01:18:47,360 --> 01:18:49,316 House falls down. 819 01:18:54,360 --> 01:18:56,874 - Morning, Rigby. - Morning, Major. 820 01:18:57,560 --> 01:18:59,039 (Hums) 821 01:18:59,120 --> 01:19:02,908 - What are you doing in my office? - Have you gone stark, staring mad? 822 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:06,197 - Cutting both our throats? - What are you talking about? 823 01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,793 Look. 824 01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:13,639 "Both political parties claim credit..." 825 01:19:13,720 --> 01:19:17,235 - This isn't the article I authorised! - So who the hell wrote it? 826 01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:22,075 - It could only be one person. - Shields. 827 01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:25,550 Bartlett, you get rid of that little idiot reporter of yours 828 01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:28,598 or some of your unsavoury behaviour 829 01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:31,319 will be exposed at the forthcoming election. 830 01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:35,075 So there's going to be mudslinging at the election, is there? 831 01:19:35,160 --> 01:19:36,912 Anyway, what election? 832 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:40,470 Let's not kid ourselves. You know very well what election. 833 01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:43,870 Take my advice-get rid of Shields! 834 01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:50,035 This article-how did it get in? 835 01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:53,430 - It had your approval slip on it. - Absolute disaster. 836 01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:57,513 Take Shields off politics and put him out of harm's way-entertainments. 837 01:19:57,600 --> 01:19:59,556 Yes. 838 01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:03,268 - Good morning, Major. - Get out! 839 01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:06,875 - (Stammers) About housing... - Get out, Miss Popkiss! Get out! 840 01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:08,916 I must get rid of that woman. 841 01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,631 Get out! 842 01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:17,236 Not you, dear lad. 843 01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:26,829 Once again, I must congratulate you. An excellent article. 844 01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:29,909 Really? 845 01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:33,959 Well, it isn't exactly good for you, is it? 846 01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:39,715 - Or Mr Corcoran. - That's what I like about the article. 847 01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:42,314 It's so entirely unprejudiced. 848 01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:46,598 So in future you'll be covering entertainments. 849 01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:50,195 - What, as well as politics? - Instead of. 850 01:20:51,720 --> 01:20:54,075 But I like writing about politics. 851 01:20:54,160 --> 01:20:57,311 It could give me a chance to help someone. 852 01:20:57,400 --> 01:21:00,676 What better way to help the townspeople than making them happy? 853 01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:02,751 Entertainments. 854 01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,996 I like politics. 855 01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:09,599 - I'll ask Grandad. - Oh, no, no! 856 01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:13,070 If you can find a way of promoting entertainments, 857 01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:15,469 this newspaper will back you all the way. 858 01:21:16,480 --> 01:21:19,153 What, you mean I can arrange 859 01:21:19,240 --> 01:21:21,470 and, erm, organise things? 860 01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:24,796 Anything you like. 861 01:23:03,480 --> 01:23:05,710 I didn't hear you ring. 862 01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,077 - You're Willoughby. - I know who I am. Who are you? 863 01:23:10,160 --> 01:23:14,551 - I'm Shields of the Times. - A reporter? How delicious! 864 01:23:14,640 --> 01:23:17,791 - I'm in charge of entertainment. - There isn't any. 865 01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:20,678 Except what we make ourselves. 866 01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:23,354 What are your plans for holiday crowds this year? 867 01:23:23,440 --> 01:23:26,477 Same as last year and, funnily enough, the year before that. 868 01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:28,516 - None. - None? 869 01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:30,750 But this is a holiday resort. 870 01:23:30,840 --> 01:23:32,796 This is a last resort! 871 01:23:32,880 --> 01:23:36,350 We've got a chocolate machine with no chocolate in it, 872 01:23:36,440 --> 01:23:39,671 two speak-your-weight machines with the voices gone, 873 01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:43,514 and we've got a distorting mirror that's cracked. 874 01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:47,115 On Major Bartlett's authority, our paper will back you all the way. 875 01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:50,715 Major Bartlett? That's interesting. All the way? 876 01:23:51,600 --> 01:23:53,556 Er, Memo to Ross. 877 01:23:54,560 --> 01:23:57,836 As my election campaign has now started, 878 01:23:57,920 --> 01:24:00,036 you will virtually be in charge. 879 01:24:01,560 --> 01:24:03,710 - (Knocking) - What do you want, Shields? 880 01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:08,749 I have had the most marvellous idea! And Willoughby's going to help. 881 01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:12,310 - Who's Willoughby? - The town's entertainments officer. 882 01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:15,631 Oh. Well, type it in triplicate and submit it in the usual way. 883 01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:19,679 I can't wait for all that. This is a beauty contest. With girls. 884 01:24:19,760 --> 01:24:22,718 Not in keeping with the dignity of the newspaper. 885 01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:25,234 Dignity of the... What do you reckon? 886 01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:30,474 A beauty contest could be very dignified, Major. I could enter for it myself. 887 01:24:32,520 --> 01:24:34,715 - All right, then. - Yes. 888 01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:36,711 A dignified beauty contest. 889 01:24:37,600 --> 01:24:41,036 - Busy, Major? - Oh, just organising a beauty contest. 890 01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:43,759 Oh? 891 01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:46,673 - How interesting. - It was Shields' idea. 892 01:24:46,760 --> 01:24:48,955 Thank you, Miss Fairchild. 893 01:24:52,360 --> 01:24:55,636 If you want me, Major, you've only to buzz. 894 01:24:55,720 --> 01:24:59,349 So you're using the new girl now, instead of Miss Popkiss? 895 01:24:59,440 --> 01:25:02,193 Yes, she's much faster. 896 01:25:02,280 --> 01:25:04,236 That I can well believe. 897 01:25:04,320 --> 01:25:06,788 - Now, darling... - Erm... 898 01:25:06,880 --> 01:25:10,509 Er, shall I carry on with my beauty contest column? 899 01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:14,479 - Yes, do, Shields. - I'll do about 500 words... 900 01:25:16,440 --> 01:25:18,590 Beauty contest? Twaddle! 901 01:25:18,680 --> 01:25:22,593 Then he has the gall to criticise the council for no summer shows. 902 01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:26,229 Cracked distorting mirrors, chocolate machines with no chocolate! 903 01:25:26,320 --> 01:25:28,276 It's a dirty, filthy libel! 904 01:25:28,360 --> 01:25:30,999 - Dirty, filthy truth, Daddy. - Liz, dear! 905 01:25:31,080 --> 01:25:33,036 It seems like that to me. 906 01:25:33,120 --> 01:25:37,079 Holiday-makers don't come here. What's the use of a beauty contest? 907 01:25:37,160 --> 01:25:40,038 - I think Norman's right. - Norman? 908 01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:43,999 - Perishing little halfwit! - He might not sound clever to you, 909 01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,833 and perhaps he doesn't put things well, 910 01:25:46,920 --> 01:25:50,117 but he says something because he believes in it, 911 01:25:50,200 --> 01:25:52,156 not to get something from it. 912 01:25:52,240 --> 01:25:57,109 If I thought for one instant that you were getting interested in that midget reporter, 913 01:25:57,200 --> 01:25:59,270 I'd have him out of this town so fast... 914 01:25:59,360 --> 01:26:01,510 Careful. You'll have one of your attacks. 915 01:26:26,000 --> 01:26:28,275 Hurry up. There's not much time. 916 01:26:28,360 --> 01:26:30,635 That's all right. We're all ready now. 917 01:26:30,720 --> 01:26:35,350 - Girls all here? - I'll count 'em. There should be seven. 918 01:26:36,560 --> 01:26:38,357 (Screaming) 919 01:26:38,440 --> 01:26:40,396 What happened? 920 01:26:40,480 --> 01:26:42,550 Erm... only six. 921 01:26:44,080 --> 01:26:47,516 - Liz! - I just came to wish you luck, Norman. 922 01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:50,478 If there's anything I could do to help... 923 01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:58,117 Hey, Liz, you can help. 924 01:26:59,320 --> 01:27:01,436 Will you be a contestant? 925 01:27:02,440 --> 01:27:04,590 One of the girls hasn't turned up. 926 01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:09,439 - Do you think I dare? - Why not? 927 01:27:09,520 --> 01:27:12,034 Come along now. don't let's talk rubbish. 928 01:27:13,360 --> 01:27:16,397 You're a bit late! We were about to put a substitute in. 929 01:27:17,480 --> 01:27:19,550 What, her? 930 01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:21,676 Right, Liz. Get changed. 931 01:27:21,760 --> 01:27:24,911 - But I haven't got any... - Well, borrow some! 932 01:27:26,160 --> 01:27:28,116 Right, it's time. 933 01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:32,478 Don't forget-you're in charge backstage because I'll be compering. 934 01:27:32,560 --> 01:27:34,551 So good luck. 935 01:27:46,960 --> 01:27:50,157 Chocolates? Cigarettes? 936 01:27:52,200 --> 01:27:54,236 (Usherette) Cold drinks? 937 01:27:55,120 --> 01:27:57,588 All those posters and nobody's interested. 938 01:27:57,680 --> 01:28:01,832 Men not interested in girls - I can't believe it! It's unhealthy. 939 01:28:13,960 --> 01:28:16,110 The... The judges. 940 01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:18,236 Look after 'em. 941 01:28:31,160 --> 01:28:33,151 Police! Police! 942 01:28:33,240 --> 01:28:36,835 Over the road! There's girls walking about with hardly any clothes on! 943 01:28:36,920 --> 01:28:40,356 Don't go over there! It's just like a harem. 944 01:28:40,440 --> 01:28:43,273 They've all gone raving mad over there. 945 01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:07,756 Right, stand by! 946 01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:10,516 Everybody on stage! 947 01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:17,869 - Well done, Norman! - Ready? 948 01:29:17,960 --> 01:29:20,599 Give me a few seconds before curtain up. 949 01:29:20,680 --> 01:29:23,035 Where's the pianist? No pianist! 950 01:29:23,120 --> 01:29:25,998 - You'll have to play. - I'm the compere down there! 951 01:29:26,080 --> 01:29:28,071 And the pianist, down there. 952 01:29:41,760 --> 01:29:43,716 (Norman grunts) 953 01:29:48,320 --> 01:29:50,311 (Groans) 954 01:29:50,400 --> 01:29:52,755 (Audience laugh) 955 01:29:56,000 --> 01:29:57,956 (Clanging piano strings) 956 01:29:58,880 --> 01:30:00,438 (Laughter) 957 01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:14,238 (Applause) 958 01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:26,396 (Compere) Miss Elizabeth Rivers. 959 01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,358 (Applause) 960 01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:41,151 - Miss Penelope Squires. - (Applause) 961 01:30:52,080 --> 01:30:55,436 And now... Miss Ruby Fairchild. 962 01:30:55,520 --> 01:30:57,351 (Applause) 963 01:31:27,120 --> 01:31:28,951 (Applause) 964 01:31:33,320 --> 01:31:38,189 And now a young lady who, when you see her, 965 01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:40,157 will take your breath away. 966 01:31:41,400 --> 01:31:43,595 (Gasps) Like that. 967 01:31:44,840 --> 01:31:48,913 Luscious, scrumptiously attractive and... beautiful. 968 01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,956 Miss Liz Corcoran. 969 01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:58,596 I can't! 970 01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:00,830 You can. 971 01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:06,234 (Applause) 972 01:32:18,600 --> 01:32:20,556 Bring down the curtain. 973 01:32:26,360 --> 01:32:30,399 Now, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your voting cards? 974 01:32:31,640 --> 01:32:33,790 I think you'll find we're all agreed. 975 01:32:39,600 --> 01:32:41,033 Norman! 976 01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:45,633 (Laughter) 977 01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,231 The winner. 978 01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:58,632 - Ruby Fairchild. - It's rigged. The Major. 979 01:33:00,040 --> 01:33:02,270 Don't worry, it's none of our business. 980 01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:05,196 Ruby Fairchild. 981 01:33:07,640 --> 01:33:10,598 Ladies and gentlemen, on this piece of paper 982 01:33:10,680 --> 01:33:13,035 is the name of the Tinmouth beauty queen. 983 01:33:14,040 --> 01:33:17,589 When the curtains part, you will see her on the throne. 984 01:33:24,720 --> 01:33:26,472 (Booing) 985 01:33:28,600 --> 01:33:30,955 (Jeering) 986 01:33:41,160 --> 01:33:43,116 (Shrieks and sobs) 987 01:33:47,960 --> 01:33:50,110 Please leave me alone. 988 01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:57,276 (Angry shouting) 989 01:33:59,000 --> 01:34:02,879 Now, er, gentlemen, if you'll just... Please! Gentlemen, if you... 990 01:34:02,960 --> 01:34:06,270 - Er, gentlemen, please! - Ruby! 991 01:34:06,360 --> 01:34:08,954 Ooh! Eleanor. 992 01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:10,473 Ooh! 993 01:34:11,960 --> 01:34:15,077 - What have you to say about this? - Keep out of this! 994 01:34:15,160 --> 01:34:17,958 Gentlemen, I would like to say a few words. 995 01:34:18,040 --> 01:34:19,996 Gentlemen, conduct yourselves 996 01:34:20,080 --> 01:34:23,755 in the dignified manner to which this town is accustomed. 997 01:34:23,840 --> 01:34:26,877 This demonstration is an example of Labour hooliganism 998 01:34:26,960 --> 01:34:29,030 and it will not be tolerated. 999 01:34:29,120 --> 01:34:32,237 That, Bartlett, is a remark that you will live to regret. 1000 01:34:32,320 --> 01:34:34,550 Our Labour stock has never stood higher. 1001 01:34:34,640 --> 01:34:39,555 This trumped-up beauty contest is nothing more than a Tory conspiracy. 1002 01:34:39,640 --> 01:34:43,519 You're sabotaging the years of sacrifice I've given this constituency. 1003 01:34:43,600 --> 01:34:47,036 Sacrifice? You've only ever spoken once in the House of Commons 1004 01:34:47,120 --> 01:34:50,078 and that was to ask for a window to be opened. 1005 01:34:50,160 --> 01:34:53,470 - Look, I'm going now. - Yes. You're fired. 1006 01:34:54,840 --> 01:34:58,276 That doesn't surprise me. But before I do go, 1007 01:34:58,360 --> 01:35:01,716 don't you two ever think of anybody but yourselves? 1008 01:35:01,800 --> 01:35:05,076 I mean, you're both intelligent men. 1009 01:35:05,160 --> 01:35:08,232 - I wish I had your brains. - Turn on the mike. 1010 01:35:09,480 --> 01:35:12,074 - (Click) - (Echoing) You're an MP. 1011 01:35:12,160 --> 01:35:14,151 - And I soon will be. - Who knows? 1012 01:35:14,240 --> 01:35:17,596 - Over my dead body! - Whoa! What's the matter with you? 1013 01:35:17,680 --> 01:35:20,672 'Why don't you leave off? All you do is bicker.' 1014 01:35:20,760 --> 01:35:23,035 Now let me have my say. 1015 01:35:24,440 --> 01:35:27,079 As I see it, you two are like... 1016 01:35:28,640 --> 01:35:31,632 captains of a sort of people's ship of life. 1017 01:35:31,720 --> 01:35:37,033 'And they rely on you two to steer them on a safe course.' 1018 01:35:37,920 --> 01:35:42,630 But because of your own selfishness, you keep on taking them into storms 1019 01:35:42,720 --> 01:35:45,917 with big waves. 1020 01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:50,312 And if you and all the other politicians and the leaders of the world 1021 01:35:50,400 --> 01:35:54,791 don't work together, you know, one of these days... 1022 01:35:54,880 --> 01:35:57,030 Open the curtains! 1023 01:35:57,120 --> 01:35:59,236 ...you're gonna drown all the people. 1024 01:35:59,960 --> 01:36:04,795 Here. I been talking a lot, ain't I? 1025 01:36:04,880 --> 01:36:07,269 I have to get off me soapbox. 1026 01:36:07,360 --> 01:36:09,669 '(Laughs)' 1027 01:36:09,760 --> 01:36:13,548 Oh, well, I'm going back to me pater's town in Westminster. 1028 01:36:14,320 --> 01:36:16,470 Goodbye, sir. 1029 01:36:17,920 --> 01:36:19,990 (Cheering) 1030 01:36:34,480 --> 01:36:37,040 Well done, Norman. Go on, take a bow. 1031 01:36:40,160 --> 01:36:42,276 - Bye, Robin. - Bye-bye. 1032 01:36:47,920 --> 01:36:50,036 Give those to Liz for me. 1033 01:37:06,600 --> 01:37:08,192 Norman. 1034 01:37:11,880 --> 01:37:13,552 - I'm going, Liz. - Why? 1035 01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:16,313 - I don't think I've been successful here. - I do. 1036 01:37:16,400 --> 01:37:19,836 Daddy and Major Bartlett are having a drink at the hotel. 1037 01:37:19,920 --> 01:37:23,117 - That's a good start. - Yeah, a good start. 1038 01:37:23,200 --> 01:37:25,395 - Bye. - Norman! 1039 01:37:26,960 --> 01:37:30,350 - Couldn't I come with you? - What about your dad? 1040 01:37:30,440 --> 01:37:33,193 He'd lose a daughter but he'd gain a son. 1041 01:37:33,280 --> 01:37:35,555 - Yeah. - (Whistle) 1042 01:37:35,640 --> 01:37:37,915 Come on, we'll miss the train. 1043 01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:43,876 - We've missed it! - No, we haven't! 1044 01:37:44,305 --> 01:37:50,787 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org